Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
