This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize