Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
