Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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