we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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