By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
