And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
