Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
