No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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