I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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