end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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