This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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