A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
