just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
