I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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