A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
