There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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