I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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