My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
