I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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