She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
