Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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