so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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