The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
