yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
