if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
