I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
