I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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