Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
