And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
