it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
