His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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