found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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