and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
