Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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