You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
