omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
