U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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