You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
