I have demons in me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
