I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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