what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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