I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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