he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
