Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
