Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
