That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why is half of my head shaved?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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