It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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