There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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