I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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