Dual....:-)
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
