Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize