I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
