He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
