This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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