I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize