Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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