So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize