I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
