How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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