you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
