my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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