Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
