So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're a waste of cheezeits
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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