my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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