on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
