I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize