I think my fart just growled at me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
