he thought i was a dude.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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