My first STD was from a foam party
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
