he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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