I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
