My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
