Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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