please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize