So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
