His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
