his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
